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American
Culture: Etiquette
This page was posted as a follow-up to the ESL Conversation Class discussion
on March 27, 2002. During this class we focused on the topic of American
Culture: Etiquette and how everyday manners in America may be different
than in other cultures. At the end of this discussion are related web
links as well as a list of books on the topic that are available in the
Learning Resource Center (OB 221).
What observations or questions do you have about
American manners?
KEYWORDS
Manners
social conduct or rules of conduct as shown in the
prevalent customs
Etiquette
the conduct or procedure required by good breeding
or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life
Civility
courtesy, politeness, polite act or expression
Decorum
propriety and good taste in conduct or appearance,
the conventions of polite behavior
Positive Behaviors
Polite, Respectful, Gracious, Considerate, Kind, Courteous, Cordial
Negative Behaviors
Rude, Uncouth, Disrespectful, Offensive
EVERYDAY MANNERS IN AMERICA
Greetings and Letter Writing
1. When addressing a stranger use Sir, Ma'am, or Miss. And, when responding,
it is polite to answer "Yes, Ma'am", "Yes, Sir" or
"Yes, Miss" as a sign of respect - especially if the person
is older than you. (This is a more formal greeting and is used more frequently
when you do not know the person).
2. Stand at an approximate distance of one arm's length from an individual
when introducing yourself. A proper North American handshake is a full-hand
grip that is firm and warm with an understated downward snap. The right
hand is always extended. Also, a damp, sweaty, or cold palm may "put
off" (make uncomfortable) the other person.
3. Keep aware of people's personal space. Many people feel uncomfortable
when others stand too close, especially when being spoken to. Every person
is "encased" in a bubble of personal space. The size of the
bubble (or circle) depends on the degree of intimacy between the two people
and varies with culture. An arm's length (or about 3 feet) is a good rule
to use in the U.S.
4. Use first names when addressing someone only after being asked to do
so, otherwise use Mr., Mrs., Miss, and Ms. (if you do not know the woman's
marital status, always use Ms., never assume they are or are not married.)
5. When asking for anything use "Please" with your request and
follow up with "Thank You".
Telephone Etiquette
1. When answering the phone at your desk say..."Hello, this is Mr.
or Ms. Smith". Do not say phrases such as… "Smith here!"
or simply "Hello".
2. Many people think it is rude when you use call waiting to talk to someone
else in the middle of the conversation you are having with them.
3. When using a cell phone, try to find a quiet spot to answer or initiate
a call. It is considered particularly rude to leave a cell phone turned
on (and to answer it) in public places like: classrooms, libraries, movie
theaters, churches, etc.
Internet & E-Mail
1. Use the "blind carbon copy" (Bcc) field when sending group
e-mails. This way you won't divulge the names of the other people you
are writing to.
2. TYPING USING ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED RUDE, IT IS LIKENED TO SHOUTING
(plus, it is hard to read!).
3. Be careful when trying to express humor or sarcasm through email. It
is often misunderstood or interpreted.
Social Outings/Dating
1. Whoever extends the invitation to dinner (regardless of gender) is
responsible to pay for the meal. This also depends on the formality of
the invitation and the nature of your relationship with the person. Your
boss or business associate's invitation is more formal. But, between schoolmates
or close friends it is most likely assumed that you will each pay for
yourself.
2. The person invited to dinner may offer to pay or suggest they "Go
Dutch" (or each person pays for themselves).
Social Invitations
1. Reply (R.S.V.P) to an invitation as soon as possible - preferably within
one week after receiving the invitation.
2. When invited to a party or event, especially at someone's home, an
appropriate host or hostess gift could be a bottle of wine, flowers, or
a small item for the home, such as a candle.
3. A note or card sent to thank the host for the nice time you had at
the party or event is not required, but it is a nice gesture (and may
get you invited again!).
Eating and Table Manners
1. When to begin eating: at smaller events, it is common to wait to take
a bite until everyone at the table has received a serving and the host
or hostess has begun eating. Sometimes a host or hostess may urge his/her
guests to eat immediately upon receiving the food. This is especially
true at larger events, where waiting for everyone would allow it to get
cold. In this case, wait until one or two of the other guests are ready
to begin as well, so that you are not the only person at the table who
is eating.
2. Always ask for an item to be passed if you cannot easily reach it without
reaching in front of someone else.
3. Elbows on the table and chewing with your mouth open are considered
to be rude. Do not let people see what you have in your mouth or make
noises when chewing (or with your utensils).
4. Only use your hands/fingers to eat when the type of food served allows
it. (Ex. Cookies, bread, corn on the cob, chips, hors d'oeuvres (appetizers),
sandwiches, small fruits and berries, etc.)
5. If you need to blow your nose, excuse yourself from the table, and
at no time should you use your napkin as a handkerchief.
6. If you sense a sneeze or cough coming on, cover your nose and mouth
with your left hand (if you are right-handed) thus leaving your right
hand clean for shaking hands, opening doors, etc. (Note: When you have
a cold/flu you should also wash your hands often.)
7. It is polite and appropriate to excuse yourself (say "Excuse Me")
after sneezing or coughing in both social and professional situations.
Personal Hygiene
1. Maintaining good personal hygiene, including; daily bathing, use of
deodorant, and tooth brushing, are all expected practices in the U.S.
While other cultures may have different practices or tolerances, having
bad breath or body odor can be considered offensive in the U.S. Making
an effort to avoid this will be appreciated. Most Americans feel too uncomfortable
to tell you if such a problem exists, but they will take notice and may
try to avoid running into you in the future.
2. Profuse (abundant) use of perfumes and colognes, especially when used
to mask body odor, can be just as offensive. A little goes a long way…
Clothing/Dress
1. Make an effort to wear clothing that is in good shape. Excessive holes,
tears, stains, spots, unraveling seams, and wrinkles, can make you look
disheveled or unkempt or simply unattractive. It can also communicate
that you don't care, don't have respect, or have a bad attitude.
2. Also, pay attention to how much of your body you are exposing (have
uncovered) and whether it is appropriate for the situation. (Ex. shorts,
sandals, a very short or very tight skirt, or low cut or too tight shirt,
are really not appropriate for meetings, interviews, etc.) Wearing this
type of clothing can also communicate the same negative things.
Gifts
1. Always remember to send a thank-you note or card within two weeks of
receiving a gift. If you are given the gift in person and open it in front
of the giver, a thank you note is usually not expected, (but, why not
send one anyway, they will appreciate it!)
Shopping/Day-to-Day Business
1. Always be patient and wait your turn in lines, do not "cut"
ahead of others.
2. If you have many items to purchase or return, be polite and let a person
go ahead of you in line if they only have one or two items. This kind
gesture not only spreads goodwill, but also increases the speed of the
check-out for other customers as well.
3. Wait until all passengers have exited an elevator before trying to
enter the elevator.
4. The person who reaches the doorway first, regardless of gender, is
responsible for opening it.
5. Always remove your hat when entering a home, restaurant, classroom,
theatre, church, etc. (This includes Baseball Caps!)
Job Interviews
1. Give a firm handshake when arriving and leaving; stand up to greet
the interviewer.
2. Always send a thank you note after a job interview - while not required,
it is appreciated and may well be what makes you stand out among other
candidates.
Driving Manners
1. Always observe the "Right of Way" laws, allow pedestrians
to cross where appropriate, and be considerate to others on the road (including
bicyclists). It is not only the law, but it is also proper etiquette.
2. Be kind to those people trying to merge into traffic, especially if
they seem to be having trouble. Giving someone extra room to maneuver
on the road is not only polite, but keeps everyone safe as well.
3. Making obscene gestures to other drivers is considered rude. Use the
horn instead if you need to get the drivers attention due to a driving
or road hazard.
4. It is also considered rude to swear or use foul language in the car
(and in public in general).
WEB REFERENCES
AllEtiquette.com
CuisineNet: Diner's Digest: American Table Manners
A Lesson On Table Manners
Protocol
School of Palm Beach: Eti-Quiz
Manners
International
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